The World is Made Up of Stories, Not Atoms.

-Muriel Rukeyser

Four years ago, I was fourteen. I was in Junior High, I believe... or possibly a freshman. And I thoroughly enjoyed The Phantom of the Opera--the book. I don't know if the new musical movie was out at the time, but I had become so intrigued by what I had heard of the story, that I decided to read the book. It was very difficult for me, and much that I didn't understand--but I loved it.

I loved it so much that I wrote a really lame fanfiction story that I don't really expect you to look at, but thought that I might provide for you in case you were curious. It was a sequel to The Phantom of the Opera, and it wasn't very good--I was fourteen, after all.

But it got a lot of really good reviews! I was so encouraged! I had a very elaborate plot worked out that I was proud of--meaning in all the weird things that happened. I think I even had an ending in mind.

Then I got one bad review. It was the longest one I had yet to recieve, and it was rather upsetting at the time. Soon afterwards, I had reviews that said not to worry about what that person said--develope the characters how I wanted to. It is my story, after all, and I am the one writing it. So I tried. I really did. But the sixth chapter just never did meet completion, and now it had most certainly been lost forever, since all our computers have certainly been reformatted since then--probably more than once--and I don't even remember which computer I was writing on.

But tonight, I felt this urge to write, and I was looking around on a few writing sites for some ideas, and one of them was fanfiction.net. I remembered that I had put something on there before, so I decided to go for a moonlit stroll down memory lane. I read all five chapters, and then I went back and read the reviews.

And I wished I could finish it. I wished that all the people who were online four years ago would be guaranteed to still be online... just like I wasn't. I wished I knew how I should end it. I wished I had not disappointed all those, "Please post the next chapter!"s and "I can't wait to see how it ends!"s.

And even more so, I wanted to write. I wanted to write so bad. I wanted to be able to pull an intriguing thought out of my head, and organize it into an intricate plot, and share it with anyone who would be willing to spare a few minutes. I wanted it. And I want it now.

Unfortunately, my brain feels so garbled right now. My head has hurt regularly, without fail, every night for several nights in a row now, and I am so stressed with school starting. I have never been more upset about the beginning of school.

I have started and worked on so many stories, but never to complete one. I've tried. I've mapped out chapters, done character designs, descriptions, and sketches. I've illustrated covers, drafted scenes, written prologues. I have worked so hard, but I just can't seem to accomplish anything substantial... I lose my momentum, I forget about, I lose my papers... and it's back to square one.

Always on square one.

<3 o.