Thursday, April 23, 2009

Long Time, No See

But I have a relatively good reason for about two weeks of my absence: I was in an inpatient unit for overdosing on Toredol. Here's the scoop:

I had a good day. I went shopping with my little sister, we bought some hair accessories and the first season of Pushing Daisies (more on Pushing Daisies later), and then we were going to go see the play at my high school together. We were taking my friend Brain with me. So we were on our way. We got there. I was feeling a little antsy because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go to the play, but it was too late.

So then we got in there and I saw Han. I despise Han. With every fiber in my being. You of all people should know that.

And I got shaky and my mind wouldn't go straight. I didn't like it. I left, telling my sister and friend I'd be back. Well, I didn't come back. I sent nasty, awful, hateful texts to AOK, and I cried, and I went to the cemetery and cut up my side pretty bad.

I went back to the school, thinking I'd be okay. But Han was sitting in the row right by the door and I saw him and went outside again. I texted another friend, telling her that I needed to see her right away, but she didn't get it; her phone was off. So I went to my car, feeling hurt and angry for no real reason. I felt VERY guilty for having cut my side.

And I thought, "Toredol." I don't know why. So I took a few. Then a few more. Then a few more. I texted AOK telling him what I just did, half with the intention of getting help and half with the intention of getting back at him for I-Don't-Know-What. Well, my friend called me back soon, and I told her what happened and she took me to Mom.

In the E.R., I felt even worse. I had to drink a bottle of charcoal - worst thing ever to drink, I swear. Mom looked so stressed and Dad looked a forced kind of passive. I had to wonder if he was thinking about his sister's suicide attempts from when they were younger. The doctor didn't believe a word I said about there not having been a cause. Honestly, the doctor was a moron.

So I went to a "Behavior Health Unit" for a few days. It wasn't horrible. I'll tell you, the worst part was having no pencil in my room! We had to be in our rooms at 10 every night, and I couldn't have a pencil with me because I was self-destructive.

The nut house is full of interesting people. It really is. And did you know that there was not a single puzzle there without missing pieces?

Well, I got to leave. And I was so happy about that. But life isn't back to normal yet. I was watching Pushing Daisies with my same little sister recently, and had to leave to do something. When I was late, she called me several times, saying she wanted me to come home, she wanted me to come home. I felt so bad. I got home as soon as I could.

Not to mention the whole school knows a completely altered version of the real events. Han has been telling people that I did it because he wouldn't go back out with me, the little rodent. As if I'd want to. Does anyone here see any reason for me to date that frog? Well, if you do, tough luck, because I disagree!

There are more updates to come, I promise. I just need to get back on the wagon here.

I'm sorry, and I love you.

<3>

4 comments:

Voegtli said...

We love you too.

But "Ts, ts, ts". Why do such a thing? Ok, ok, you will say it is easy for me to talk. Because I don't really know this or that and then who I am any way.

But, you are young. And of course, you are having problems. But we all have or had problems. I had problems when I was young. And I have still problems today.

So, try to find simple things for you to enjoy. I don't know what, but there are a million to choose from. There is so much beauty in life. Just look and grab it. It can't just be there without you seeing it.

And stop worrying. Do not attach any importance on guys. Your day will come, as I said, you are still young. And you will have the right one.

So, show to the world that you have balls and that nothing can get you.

Because, I know that nothing can get you.

Take care, get well again and big, big hugs.

Anji said...

I'm sorry to read that you've had such a rough time recently. I can't help wondering if your stay in the "Behavior Health Unit" was any help, did you get the chance to talk to anyone.

You will come out the other side of all this one day. Take care of yourself.

Anji said...

Just popping by to say hello. I've been thinking about you

Hugs

Voegtli said...

Hello,

Are you there? We miss you.