Oh, It's A Jolly Holiday With Mary!

So, on the approximately 15-hour drive here, I was listening to my iPod in the back and my sisters had the computer out in the seats in front of me watching Disney's Mary Poppins. I wasn't really in the mood for movie-watching, but I hadn't seen Mary Poppins in a while, and I really like it, so I paused my iPod to watch it for a little bit.

It occurred to me how much Bert (Mary Poppin's sort-of boyfriend) is like Han--they are both absolutely smitten about their girl, brag on her, like to be funny, and will do anything to be entertaining--especially for their girl.

Only, I'm not like Mary Poppins, and in no way do I deserve someone like Bert. I am not nearly as pretty or witty as Mary Poppins, but that's not the point. The point is that I am not as fun-loving or lovable as Mary Poppins.

So have I ever mentioned before that I don't feel like I deserve Han? I'm certain I have, but it has been bothering me so much lately.

No. What bothers me the most is not that I feel like I don't deserve him, it's the fear that he'll realize it.

We went to the doctor recently to get me some medication for my migraines. Before, there was nothing they could give me that would work because I was under 18. I now have two medications--one for the small, daily headaches and one for the really big monster migraines. The one for my small headaches is usually used as an anti-anxiety medication, and fixing headaches is just kind of a side job. But I'm hoping that since it's also an anti-anxiety medicine, maybe it will make me more relaxed and fun to be around. :) Here's hoping!

<3 o.

The Monster Returns

When I was in first grade (about 7 years old), I began to get migraines. Apparently, there it is either uncommon for a first grader to get migraines, or mine were unnaturally bad, because we had all sorts of tests done. We had CATscans and MRIs and one of those funny thing where they stuck wires to my head and tests for brain tumors and stuff for three years, until fourth grade, when they were finally like, "Uh... we don't know what's wrong with your head, so... bye."

After a little bit, they finally stopped, but around Freshman year of High School, they started again. I don't know if they are different or the same as the ones of elementary school, but they are horrid. For a while, they seemed to "attach" them selves to a cause, such as as the scent or taste of popcorn, before/after that time of the month, any time with high emotions, loud music, or wearing a tight ponytail, and they would switch. They would stay on one event for a few months, and I'd get a migraine every two weeks to a month, and then they'd go to a new cause. It was quite miserable.

They last for hours. They start in the afternoon as a kind of nuisance where I just brush it off like an idiot. Then around 6 or 7 it becomes a big nuisance and by an hour later I'm on the floor in utter agony. It gets so bad that I actually bang my head on the wall to make it feel better. I throw up for hours at time, every ten to fifteen minutes, with restless sleep in between, which often involves head-holding, groaning, and sometimes twitching/jerking.

Often, I lose the entire contents of my stomach and afterwards my body will continue to try to throw up, but there's nothing, so my body ends up jerking violently. It is a most uncomfortable experience.

Well, I haven't had one for several months, but I got one today, right after the chemistry final (Which I got an A on!). This is a really bad time to be getting a migraine. I have finals tomorrow.

I don't want to live the rest of my life never knowing when I'm going to be attacked like this, but none of my doctors can figure out what's wrong, so they can't really fix it.

Le sigh. I know that this post didn't really have an underyling message. It was just me talking about something that brings me misery, because none of my friends really understand. None of them get migraines (How I envy them!).

Thanks for listening! I'll update soon with something more exciting. :)

<3>

edit : i was talking to Mom about my migraines recently, and I found out that I didn't start getting them in first grade, I started getting them when I was two, and that the main reason the doctors didn't give me any medicine was because the only things they thought might be strong enough, they weren't allowed to give to children.
So, here's a new hope for the age of 18: No more migraines! Could something that wonderful actually happen? :D