Long Time, No See

Since the scholarship campaign has ended, I thought I might as well update.

A lot has been going on, I think.

Last night, I went to bed at 6 p.m., and I didn't get up until 6:30 the next morning. I wasn't even that tired.

I finished my essay over the media's effects on girls, and I recieved a 100% on my narrative essay.

I also have made a new friend in my Japanese class, whom I call Senor Raggamuffin Von Stalker Dude. I am not sure that I know his real name. He's tall and skinny and has long, curly-ish black hair that is dyed. I'm pretty sure that it is naturally brown - but I can understand the desire to dye brown hair. My hair is brown, and sometimes I feel so unexotic. Anyway. He's very, very nice, but seems to have some self-esteem problems, maybe even some that counter my own!

Unfortunately, Han is less than thrilled by this developement. He has been in and out of bad moods lately because he is jealous of my conversations with Senor during Japanese. I've talked to him about, and he says it's fine, he trusts me, and that if he can have girl friends, I should be allowed to have guy friends, but every time he sees Senor, he gets all... glares and pouts. I don't know what to do. Senor has few friends and is very kind, and it would be very unfair to neglect him when he's done nothing wrong, but I hate it when Han is unhappy.

Also, today I was talking to Senor in Japanese on the computer, and, technically, we weren't breaking any rules. We were being quiet, doing our work, and the site we were on wasn't blocked. Also, Mrs. Brink usually is very friendly and understanding, but today she threatened to write us both up (via writing across our screens from her teacher-station control computer thing). I would have understood it if we weren't working, but we were both doing what we were supposed to be doing. And did she really have to threaten us? Couldn't she have just been nice about it and asked us to please stop talking and focus more? If we'd broken any rules, it would be different, but we didn't.

Another unhappy instance.

I have this habit that if someone does something that really annoys me, I kind of swat at their face, like a pretend slap. But really, if you can imagine the force you might use to wave a fly away from your face, it is lighter than that. Generally, the tips of my fingers just barely brush their cheek, and it's kind of my way of saying, "Please stop, or I'll probably get really upset."

Another thing is, I hate, hate, hate hunting. I don't know why. I love meat, and I know there's nothing really wrong with hunting, but I hate it when people talk about it like it doesn't even matter that the animals were alive. Well, Han's, ex-friend, Jan, was talking about how much fun hunting was, and I said, "Oh, stop it!" and swatted at her face, as is my habit. Honestly, I barely touched her, if I touched her at all, because she leaned back. Well the next thing I know, she's running around telling people that I slapped her across the face and that she wants to punch me.

I have never really liked Jan before, but it's to the point now that if she weren't 2 or 3 times my size, I might really slap her. She'd deserve it. She's incredibly rude, and now there are rumors flying around that I'm slapping people, when I would never do something like that. I mean, maybe if someone attacked me or something, I'd probably hit them. That's different.

Anyway, the point is, I'm seriously ticked off. Han is having weirdo moodswings. I want to be friends with Senor. Mrs. Brink was nice, and now she's psycho (Something I'd like to talk more about later). Jan is making my high school life miserable. My headache meds aren't helping anymore - I still get headaches every day. I am sleeping even more than I used to. I can barely keep up with my role as Publicity Designer in Drama.

I'm pretty sure that my brain is going to implode from all the pressure being put on it.

Oh wait. One good thing: I won Most Artistic Senior Spotlight for girls. But, I have to share it with Tony. I don't like Tony. I think I've mentioned that before. I'd rather share it with Han; he's more creative than Tony is anyway.

I've missed you all. I hope I have the energy and will to update more. :]

I hope you are all doing lovely!

<3 o.

Oh, It's A Jolly Holiday With Mary!

So, on the approximately 15-hour drive here, I was listening to my iPod in the back and my sisters had the computer out in the seats in front of me watching Disney's Mary Poppins. I wasn't really in the mood for movie-watching, but I hadn't seen Mary Poppins in a while, and I really like it, so I paused my iPod to watch it for a little bit.

It occurred to me how much Bert (Mary Poppin's sort-of boyfriend) is like Han--they are both absolutely smitten about their girl, brag on her, like to be funny, and will do anything to be entertaining--especially for their girl.

Only, I'm not like Mary Poppins, and in no way do I deserve someone like Bert. I am not nearly as pretty or witty as Mary Poppins, but that's not the point. The point is that I am not as fun-loving or lovable as Mary Poppins.

So have I ever mentioned before that I don't feel like I deserve Han? I'm certain I have, but it has been bothering me so much lately.

No. What bothers me the most is not that I feel like I don't deserve him, it's the fear that he'll realize it.

We went to the doctor recently to get me some medication for my migraines. Before, there was nothing they could give me that would work because I was under 18. I now have two medications--one for the small, daily headaches and one for the really big monster migraines. The one for my small headaches is usually used as an anti-anxiety medication, and fixing headaches is just kind of a side job. But I'm hoping that since it's also an anti-anxiety medicine, maybe it will make me more relaxed and fun to be around. :) Here's hoping!

<3 o.