Prom Night

I had only dance three times in my life before Prom:
1. Square dancing required in elementary school P.E.
2. One dance with a cousin at a wedding
3. 0.5 of a dance with Han at a different wedding.

So, my lack of experience and self-esteem made it very difficult for Han and his friends to get me out onto the dance floor last night. Once they did, though, they could hardly keep me off of it. I love to dance with Han, I hardly got tired the whole dance (Although I can't say the same for him).

I wish I could say that I was the same way with bowling. Unfortunately, I nearly ruined Post Prom with my attitude about bowling. I am very self-conscious, so it's very hard for me to have fun doing something that I am not any good at. I am not any good at bowling. This clearly would mean that I didn't have fun bowling at Post Prom, which upset Han immensely. After a discussion and long amount of time in the bathroom re-applying makeup, we were better. I won some free laser tag and he won some free Cold Stone Creamery, so in order to make up for my mopey attitude during bowling, I am planning a night out on the town for the two of us to include bowling, laser tag, and ice cream. :)

Now that you have read all the boring details that mean nothing to you, I will tell you something. It is very hard for me to ever call myself pretty. However, I can honestly tell you that last night, I was not ugly.

Everything I have to say about beauty and the like is in the post "How To Be Pretty" and my basic feelings of myself are in the post "meet o.", but in case you haven't read those, this is what it comes down to:

I don't like me one little bit, and my appearance is a very large part of that dislike. I find the the standards for beauty to be impossible for me to fit into. So, while Prom had its upsetting parts, like bowling, and its energizing parts, like dancing, overall, the best part was feeling prettier than I ever usually feel.

I know that a lot of people, particularly my friends, consider Prom to be one big lame dance, where the pretty girls get to show off their off their boobs, and then everyone else goes and gets drunk, and that's partially true. It's probably the main reason that none of my friends would go to Prom this year. However, every girl should go to a Prom, just to feel prettier than she normally does. I'm partially happy that none of my friends went, because I know that none of them would have had that attitude about it.

You will probably not be the prettiest one at Prom, but you can take advantage of the opportunity to be abnormally pretty. Even though that may not be "How To Be Pretty," it will definitely help you feel pretty. And for at least one night, that's almost good.

<3 o.

How To Be Pretty

I see Pretty every day. I see it on tv, in magazines, and on ten-foot cardboard cut-outs in mall windows. I see it on billboards and manakin displays and photographs and paintings. I hear about it in conversations, jokes, and music. I see and hear Pretty every day. I know what Pretty is and I know what Pretty looks like and I know that Pretty doesn't look like me.

I also happen to know that there is not one thing I can do about it.

It's really a horrible to thing to live in the world as a female right now. Right now is when who-knows-how-much money is spent developing computer programs that can rank your appearance, someone or some group is always being judged on how they look, and whether you're 'hot' or not can actually affect how much you are payed--or not payed. But have you ever Googled 'How To Be Pretty'? Sure, a couple things come up, but let's face it--while you may be more attractive when drinking lots of water and sitting up straight, this is not the same as being Pretty. Some people may disagree, in fact, many people would. There are lots of people who would define Pretty as 'healthy and happy.' But let's take a look at the environment that we women are forced to deal with daily: Healthy, happy women are not nearly as idolized as busty women with sexy, smoky eyes, or scantily-clad women who know exactly how to shake their assets. You can tell us all you like that it's important to smile sincerely and take care of our skin and hair, but let's face the truth everyone: We don't put the people who smile sincerely and take care of their skin and hair on a pedastal. We put the ones who are willing to walk down a runway half naked on one.

Of course, all women and girls face insecurity with some part of their appearance, some more than others. And I have to say: No one can truly understand that feeling but the girls who face it more. There is no way to understand the feeling of worthlessness that is being thrust upon those until you've had everything that you don't have and never can have shoved in your face daily by nearly everyone around you.
Wouldn't one think that having someone tell you that you're beautiful repeatedly convince you that you are? Someone whom you know you can trust and that you know loves you? Surprisingly, for some of us, no. Isn't it sad to know that the effect that the commercials and the music videos have on us can't always be countered? It is sad. It is a sad, sad thing when a girl or woman is so convinced that they are ugly and unworthy of affection that not even the most important person in their life can convince them otherwise. That is something I would call the epitome of sad.

The most common error made in matters of appearance is the believe that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive--you are leaking.
-Franz Lebowitz

As melodramatic, whiny, and pessimistic as everything I have just written sounds, I hope that no one who reads it takes it for untruth. Please realize that even if a girl or many girls that you know doesn't agree or claims she doesn't agree--there is at least one girl out there who feels this way, and for certain, with the other 3 billion girls on the planet, she cannot be the only one.

<3>