Monday, March 9, 2009

Me, Myself, And o.

So there's this part of me that is really aggressive, impulsive, and destructive. We're going to call her Judith. Judith is violently manic, and that is the best that I know to describe her. She doesn't care if what she is doing or about to do is going to hurt someone else or herself - in fact, if it does, the more likely she is to do it. She wants her way.

And then there's Alice. No connection to Alice of Wonderland, surprisingly enough. I don't know why she's called Alice. But she's quiet and passive and easily scared. She doesn't care about getting things her way - in fact, she doesn't even have a way to get them. She is completely dependent on Judith in many aspects, which is ironic because Judith does things purely to torment Alice a lot of the time.

Judith doesn't see the point in being emotionally involved with someone you are physically involved with. Alice doesn't see the point in being physically involved with someone that you aren't emotionally involved with.

So AOK is causing both of them some trouble. Because he is too emotionally attached for Judith's comfort and not emotionally attached enough for Alice's. Judith can deal with this, however, because it's driving Alice mad. So Judith is just getting dirty and dragging Alice through the mud with her.

And Cathy is over there in the corner, thinking about what idiots the two of them are for being involved with anyone at all in any way. Alice likes being close to AOK, and Judith likes being close to AOK. Cathy wishes he'd stop talking to and touching her. Just leave her alone, you disgusting, filthy male.

And as for me? Well, I guess Little o. would mostly like to just disappear. And it would kind of appear that she's starting to do just that.

I really don't understand this. I really feel like I have distinctly different moods with different thinking patterns and tendencies. Like a setting or a mode that can be changed. And it really freaks me out that they have names. Or that I named them. Or whatever. I often feel in a Judith mode - basically destructive, and not really thinking about the consequences of most of my actions. Unless they are bad consequences. Which are kind of encouraging. Which is kind of bad.

<3 o.

1 comment:

lyss said...

Judith is freaking me out...

Little o come back!