Dear Mr. Nelson,

Remember when you were always so proud of us because we were your "First Class"? You always acted like we were so special to you, because we were the first band you got to teach all yourself, without any other band instructors before you. You got to teach us everything from scratch.

I really wish you hadn't decided to leave before we graduated.

I know a lot of students make fun of you for whatever reason, but that is the way it is with high school students. We are just stupid, Mr. Nelson, and we don't recognize good character where we see it. Most of us didn't know how totally awesome you could be. I guess I didn't know very much either. But I do know this: The fact that you went on a Disney Cruise for your honeymoon is pretty much the awesomest thing I have ever heard of. And the fact that you and your wife bought Harry Potter at midnight when it came out is pretty cool, too, for a teacher.

So I hope you don't think that I quit band because of anything to do with you. I probably was not the best student, but I really did like your class, and I really did miss it after I dropped it. I know I said that I was dropping it because it didn't fit in my schedule, but that wasn't entirely true, and I feel like I at least owe you a true explanation.

I dropped band because I have a huge self esteem issue and I couldn't stand sitting next to the dancers another game. I could not do it. I know that the dancers are not really of an enviable moral standing, but let's face it, they're pretty. And I hated having to march around or sit there in a shapeless uniform or t-shirt while there they were, being watched and admired and applauded and pretty. I know it's not really the band's fault that I felt that way. I'm sure I would have felt that way if I went to a game as a student, but as a student, I would not have chosen to go to a game, and as a band member, I cried before and after almost every single one.

I really am sorry that I dropped band. I'm also sorry that I never got around to giving you the blank CD so you could burn all the pieces I wanted recordings of (all the Broadway or movie pieces and any of the pep band pieces you had recorded).

I am going to miss you very much next year. If I'd had a brain, I would never have dropped Music Theory last year so that I could take Art. Art... was an unbelievable mistake. And now it's too late to take Music Theory with you. Mr. Nichols is going to teach it and it is going to be boring and uneducational. No offence to him, but he just always seems so unenthusiastic and... I don't know. I was just really looking forward to having you for a teacher for another year.

Is the real reason that you're moving to Florida really for a better job? Florida is 48th in the U.S. for education, you know. Or maybe you want to be closer to Disney World? I couldn't blame you for that.

Well, I guess I've said all I need to say. I hope you have fun in Florida, and that whatever job you get there is worth the move. :)

<3 o.

p.s. : I am probably going to Disney World for the first time ever this summer! Maybe I will see you there.

Where Dreams Come True

Or not.

My parents have just informed me that there is a 90% chance that we will go to Disney World this summer. I have always, always wanted to go to Disney World!

So why am I not excited? I have a few theories.

One is that I'm going with my family. I know that sounds mean, but I feel less able to be hyper, energetic, and outgoing when I'm with my family. For example, let's imagine a scenario that we walk past a princess a couple hundred feet away.
With family: "Hey, you guys, look! There's a princess over there! Look! Should we go see her?"
With friends: *gasp* "Ohmigosh! There's a princess over there! Look! Look at the princess, let's go see her! Please! Let's go!" [while jumping up and down and hugging someone's arm]

Another theory is that, after my parents rejected the Disney World plan in junior high, I made other plans for my first trip to Disney World. Neither Han or I have been to Disney World before, so we both kind of wanted to go for the first time together. Even aside from that, I know he'll miss me and be disappointed. He's got this thing about the differences between our parents, that my parents care about me and my happiness and his parents don't care about his. (I used to think that was ridiculous. But then his mom wouldn't give him money to eat, just so she could buy herself a pack of cigarettes and I started to see a pattern.) But anyway, not only is that disappointing his expectation with that, but it's also going to make him even more upset that while I have parents who like to go places, do things, and actually spend time together, his parents like to take his truck, fish without him for about 14 hours a day, and expect the house to be spotless when they come home (when they are the ones who mess it up to begin with).

Even if I didn't get to go with Han for the first time, I'd also had this sort of secret dream of going to Disney World for the first time on my honeymoon. I'm not engaged or anything right now, but I just think that that would enhance the magic so much more. It was a silly dream to begin with, but it's just kind of sad for me to have to part with it.

It's stupid for me to be this disappointed that I'm going to Disney World. It really is. I'm just worried that this isn't going to live up to all the expectations I'd had for it.

<3 o.