There are a variety of things to speak of, all very briefly.
Firstly, I was very unimpressed with all of the options our Drama class was presented with to choose from for our semester play--so I wrote one. It's called "Saving Wonderland and How Alice Did It." I'm hopeless, I know. I had Han take it to Mrs. H--he simply told her that a girl in the hallway outside her room asked him to give it to her. She did not mention it during class, but neither did we pick a play.
It was a stupid, stupid thing to do, really. I know that there is no chance on Earth that it will be voted on, even if she does mention it to the class. I don't know why I did that, I will only end up looking stupid. I only hope she doesn't figure out that it was me.
Secondly, I hate school. I hate it more than I thought I would, more than I thought I possibly could. There is no real reason. I am just distressed throughout it, from beginning to end, counting the minutes until the end of each class--literally. I don't know how long I can handle this kind of torment. Really, most of my teachers are very nice, and none of them are mean, and there has not been an abundance of homework--so I don't know what to do. I don't know what the problem is, so I don't know how to go about fixing it.
Thirdly... I don't want to talk about tonight. I don't want to think about it. But because it has made me think so much, I will tell you what part of tonight has caused the thought. It is all you will know about what happened.
I don't know why, but I started screaming. And I just couldn't stop.
And now, I'm miserable. Literally. I'm exhausted, but I don't want to go to bed, because I know it will lead to thoughts of tonight, and I don't want to think about it. I don't know what conclusions I would draw if I did, and I don't want to know.
Lastly, I'm on a new medication, Prozac. I think that's the one with the depressed rock in their commercial... I'm supposedly taking it for headaches, but I believe it's also an anti-depressant, so if it could help at all with my stress/unhappiness, that would be great... of course, I thought that that would happen with the Celexa, and then I had some kind of allergic reaction.
I'm pretty sure this has been the worst first week of senior year that I could have possibly imagined for myself. No, actually, this is worse than I could have imagined. Because anything that I could have imagined, I did imagine, and so I was kind of mentally prepared. I was so not ready for this. Not only was I not prepared, but I don't even know what's wrong... and since I don't know the problem, I don't know how to fix it.
Goodnight, blogging community.
Sweet dreams.
<3>
Showing posts with label Senior Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Senior Year. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Too Many Q's, Not Enough A's.
Inspired by a lovely, pensive post that can be found here, written by the amazing Elsa.
They teach you 1+1 and other mathematical phenomenons. They teach you for years how to form the perfect sentence in English, and then they start in on the Spanish. They teach you the names of the states and have you label a map. They teach you how to find the percent composition of magnesium oxide. They teach you how to draw and shade cones, spheres, and cubes. They might even teach you how to play the clarinet.
So is it any surprise that most seniors are so apprehensive about graduating? When did they ever really teach us anything that will help? We have other questions that need answering, other things we need to know!: Can you maintain relationships with friends that are hundreds of miles away? How do you balance more schoolwork than ever with a work schedule that you need to pay for it? Where do you find an affordable, but safe, house if you need one? Are there any food alternatives to ramen noodles? But most importantly, what comes next?
And thusly shall my little project be called: What Comes Next? I will come up with or find questions or confusions relating to school / graduating--questions that most people don't bother answering--hopefully averaging one question for every week or two. Because Elsa is what made me think of this, I expect her to help. (Oh ho ho, I bet you thought, "Oh I feel so wonderful, I inspired a series of posts, eehee!" Well I got news for you, sister! You have to WORK for that honor!)
I will only do this when I have time, and I will probably not spend too much effort deliberating over questions. If I come across a question or something comes to mind, I will seek out a solution, but don't expect me to be consistent. The answers I find will probably not matter to most people who read, so, more than an advice column, this will be more of an opportunity for me to try to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the challenges ahead.
SUBJECT CHANGE
Tomorrow is the first day of my Senior year of High School. It is the beginning of the end. And it is the end of naps as I have come to know them.
Tomorrow I will walk into an all-too-familiar building full of all-too-familiar people, and they will all see a none-too-familiar face.
Because today I got my my lovely, waist-length hair cut to shoulder-length, and I now have bright blue streaks throughout. Aside from the fact that I have wanted blue highlights for years, there is a kind of reason for this.
Everyone has their pre-determined idea of everyone else. I don't know everything that everyone thinks of me, but I do know this: Many, many people think of me as the perfect, straight-A student, who would never do anything that wasn't what I was told to do. I kind of want to break that stereotype. I do take pride in my grades, because I put a great deal of effort into them, and I do believe that there is a lot of good to be said for being conservative in certain areas. However, that doesn't mean that I am not fun-loving (which I am) and it doesn't mean that I won't make my own decisions (because I will).
My hope is that perhaps the shorter hair and the blue streaks will make people look twice, and maybe, if they look twice, they will think twice. Hopefully, some people will realize, "There is more to a person (me!) than I had known," and they will rethink some of their assumptions.
Of course, there will be those people who will just be encouraged in their thoughts that I am crazy, and that's okay. I kind of am. :]
<3 o.
They teach you 1+1 and other mathematical phenomenons. They teach you for years how to form the perfect sentence in English, and then they start in on the Spanish. They teach you the names of the states and have you label a map. They teach you how to find the percent composition of magnesium oxide. They teach you how to draw and shade cones, spheres, and cubes. They might even teach you how to play the clarinet.
So is it any surprise that most seniors are so apprehensive about graduating? When did they ever really teach us anything that will help? We have other questions that need answering, other things we need to know!: Can you maintain relationships with friends that are hundreds of miles away? How do you balance more schoolwork than ever with a work schedule that you need to pay for it? Where do you find an affordable, but safe, house if you need one? Are there any food alternatives to ramen noodles? But most importantly, what comes next?
And thusly shall my little project be called: What Comes Next? I will come up with or find questions or confusions relating to school / graduating--questions that most people don't bother answering--hopefully averaging one question for every week or two. Because Elsa is what made me think of this, I expect her to help. (Oh ho ho, I bet you thought, "Oh I feel so wonderful, I inspired a series of posts, eehee!" Well I got news for you, sister! You have to WORK for that honor!)
I will only do this when I have time, and I will probably not spend too much effort deliberating over questions. If I come across a question or something comes to mind, I will seek out a solution, but don't expect me to be consistent. The answers I find will probably not matter to most people who read, so, more than an advice column, this will be more of an opportunity for me to try to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the challenges ahead.
SUBJECT CHANGE
Tomorrow is the first day of my Senior year of High School. It is the beginning of the end. And it is the end of naps as I have come to know them.
Tomorrow I will walk into an all-too-familiar building full of all-too-familiar people, and they will all see a none-too-familiar face.
Because today I got my my lovely, waist-length hair cut to shoulder-length, and I now have bright blue streaks throughout. Aside from the fact that I have wanted blue highlights for years, there is a kind of reason for this.
Everyone has their pre-determined idea of everyone else. I don't know everything that everyone thinks of me, but I do know this: Many, many people think of me as the perfect, straight-A student, who would never do anything that wasn't what I was told to do. I kind of want to break that stereotype. I do take pride in my grades, because I put a great deal of effort into them, and I do believe that there is a lot of good to be said for being conservative in certain areas. However, that doesn't mean that I am not fun-loving (which I am) and it doesn't mean that I won't make my own decisions (because I will).
My hope is that perhaps the shorter hair and the blue streaks will make people look twice, and maybe, if they look twice, they will think twice. Hopefully, some people will realize, "There is more to a person (me!) than I had known," and they will rethink some of their assumptions.
Of course, there will be those people who will just be encouraged in their thoughts that I am crazy, and that's okay. I kind of am. :]
<3 o.
Monday, July 21, 2008
School Days
...are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.
-Henry Louis Mencken
School is only a few weeks away--much too soon for the comfort of my sanity.
I don't like school. I don't like it one bit. I don't like the people, I don't like the assignments, I don't like the timing, and I often don't like the teachers. I don't like the conventionalism, I don't like the lack of emotion, and I don't like the tests. I especially don't like all of the dislike that everyone has for everything that school involves.
I know what the beginning of school means. It means the end of summer! It means day after day spent in classes with teachers who don't care about me teaching me things that I don't care about! It also means spending too much of my time with people who see me as "That Smart Kid" or "That Weird Girl"! (Well excuse me for not having indiscriminant breeding at the top of my priority list!) It means the end of justice, humanity, and sleep as the world knows it!
Senior Year is the year that every high school student dreams of, and I can see why: The end of Senior Year marks the end of your life in a small town full of small minds. It is the end of four years of repetitive hallways. It is the beginning of true independence.
But Senior Year is still a year of high school. It will have all the same challenges and frustrations--as well as all the same joys and laughter. It will even have some new ones. (People who forget this are people who catch "Senioritis". It is commonly believed that all Seniors catch this, but it is my opinion that there are a select few, such as myself, that suffer so badly from "Academic Honors" that in order for them also have symptoms of "Senioritis" they probably have some kind of Multiple Personality Disorder... which in all honesty is probably a much bigger problem either educational disease.)
And really, what is so exciting about starting college? You lose all consistency and familiarity with your surroundings, and all of your friends are too far away to help. You have to make new friends (which I am not good at) and you have to actually be responsible... for everything.
Many Seniors (as a symptom of "Senioritis") decide that Senior Year and what happens during it are of the least importance, because it is the last year. The opposite is true. Senior Year and what happens during it are of the MOST importance because it is the last year.
<3>
-Henry Louis Mencken
School is only a few weeks away--much too soon for the comfort of my sanity.
I don't like school. I don't like it one bit. I don't like the people, I don't like the assignments, I don't like the timing, and I often don't like the teachers. I don't like the conventionalism, I don't like the lack of emotion, and I don't like the tests. I especially don't like all of the dislike that everyone has for everything that school involves.
I know what the beginning of school means. It means the end of summer! It means day after day spent in classes with teachers who don't care about me teaching me things that I don't care about! It also means spending too much of my time with people who see me as "That Smart Kid" or "That Weird Girl"! (Well excuse me for not having indiscriminant breeding at the top of my priority list!) It means the end of justice, humanity, and sleep as the world knows it!
Senior Year is the year that every high school student dreams of, and I can see why: The end of Senior Year marks the end of your life in a small town full of small minds. It is the end of four years of repetitive hallways. It is the beginning of true independence.
But Senior Year is still a year of high school. It will have all the same challenges and frustrations--as well as all the same joys and laughter. It will even have some new ones. (People who forget this are people who catch "Senioritis". It is commonly believed that all Seniors catch this, but it is my opinion that there are a select few, such as myself, that suffer so badly from "Academic Honors" that in order for them also have symptoms of "Senioritis" they probably have some kind of Multiple Personality Disorder... which in all honesty is probably a much bigger problem either educational disease.)
And really, what is so exciting about starting college? You lose all consistency and familiarity with your surroundings, and all of your friends are too far away to help. You have to make new friends (which I am not good at) and you have to actually be responsible... for everything.
Many Seniors (as a symptom of "Senioritis") decide that Senior Year and what happens during it are of the least importance, because it is the last year. The opposite is true. Senior Year and what happens during it are of the MOST importance because it is the last year.
<3>
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