We Interrupt This Program For An Emergency

FREAK OUT.

I am in a panic.

And unless you have some helpful medical knowledge, maybe you shouldn't read this.

A few days ago, one of my breasts started getting really sore in a particular area. I figured that since I was not too far from my period, it was probably just tenderness due to that. When it got sorer, I thought that maybe I'd bruised it when I was wrestling / tickle-fighting with Han a few days ago. In the shower last night, though, I realized that a spot right about my nipple was red, and also that right around that red area, it also felt kind of stiff. And it was hurting a lot. Before, it only hurt when it got bumped or touched, but now it hurts most of the time.

Doing my research, I thought it was a "breast lump," which are usually signs of a cyst or cancer. You are supposed to see a doctor if it doesn't disappear after your next menstrual cycle, so I was going to wait a week or two before I saw a doctor. I don't know what the "lump" is supposed to be if it disappears after your period, but I don't think it really matters because "lumps" aren't usually visible and they are usually painless.

Other signs of cancer are soreness and a change in skin, like redness, cracking, dimpling, etc. However, I think it could also be a "breast infection," which generally occurs near the nipple, and is red and sore. The drawing they have on medical sites shows a breast that is much redder than mine, but there are only a few photos that I've been able to find, and their redness doesn't look as wide-spread.

So I'm leaning towards infection. The NEXT problem is, however, that these infections most commonly occur in women who are breastfeeding, and I most definitely am not. Apparently, getting this infection when you aren't can be a sign of breast cancer.

I'm not convinced I have cancer, no. But another thing: The breast that has this red soreness also occasionally has an inverted nipple. Well, apparently 2% of the women in America have at least one inverted nipple, and they aren't dangerous or anything, but for some reason they are in some way associated with breast cancer. That is, as I understand it, if your nipple starts to be inverted when it wasn't before, then that could be a sign of breast cancer. Now, my nipple doesn't do it all the time, and I don't know how long it's been like this. I only noticed it in the last year or two, but that doesn't mean much. And an inverted nipple is not a sure-fire sign of cancer.

However, the soreness, redness of skin, inverted nipple, and unlikeliness of the infection when not breastfeeding are enough to make me worry.

So the problem is: What do I do? Do I wait until after my period to see if it goes away? Do I go see a doctor immediately? I don't want to go to my doctor. For one thing, I don't trust him thoroughly, and for another thing, he's a male. So if/when I go to the doctor, I'd rather go to a female doctor, and that means finding one. Do I do this on my own? Do I talk to my mom? This is really embarassing, awkward and personal, and my mom and I aren't that close, but I may need her help with insurance, and I don't know if I'll know how to find an intelligent female doctor on my own. And then there's always the possibility, faint thought it may seem, that I won't need a doctor. But is that really realistic?

I've always thought really hard about my emotional, mental, and spiritual health. When I have problems, I always think about how they might be attributed to problems in one of those areas. I've never considered my physical health so seriously, aside from my migraines. And now that I've started seriously looking at my physical health, I wonder how much effect a serious physical problem might have on my mental/emotional state, or how it might effect my behavior.

I really don't know what to do about it. I don't want to talk to Mom or see a doctor, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to. I'm also really worried that it will be cancerous.

. . .

UUUUUUUUUUUUURGH. ><

<3 o.